OSHO BLOG

mulla

2008-05-05T09:45:00.001-07:00

Mulla Nasruddin and his wife are sitting one Sunday listening to the radio, when this faith healer comes on and he says, "If you have a part of your body you want healed, place one hand on the radio and the other hand on the afflicted part."The wife placed one hand on the radio and the other on her heart. The Mulla placed one hand on the radio and the other on his appendage.So the wife said, "Mulla, he's trying to cure the sick, not raise the dead."

osho fuck joke

2008-05-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

BELOVED MASTER,I FEEL SHOCKED WHEN YOU USE THE WORD 'FUCK'. WHAT TO DO?

Sargamo, it is one of the most beautiful words. The English language should be proud of it. I don't think any other language has such a beautiful word.One Tom from California has done some great research on it. I think he must be the famous Tom of Tom, Dick and Harry fame.He says:
One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word 'fuck'. It is one magical word: just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John), and as a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of 'fuck'.Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses:Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot.Ignorance: Fucked if I know.Trouble: I guess I am fucked now!Aggression: Fuck you!Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here?Difficulty: I can't understand this fucking job.Incompetence: He is a fuck-off.Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing?Enjoyment: I had a fucking good time.Request: Get the fuck out of here!Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off!Greeting: How the fuck are you?Apathy: Who gives a fuck?Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer.Surprise: Fuck! You scared the shit out of me!Anxiety: Today is really fucked.
And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a Transcendental Meditation -- just when you get up, the first thing, repeat the mantra "Fuck you!" five times -- it clears the throat. That's how I keep my throat clear!Enough for today.

The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol 11Chapter #4

Vincent Van Gogh,

2007-05-22T01:14:00.000-07:00

You must have heard the name Vincent Van Gogh, the great Dutch painter. He was the perfect masochist. If he had been born in India, he would have become a Mahatma Gandhi; but he became a painter. He had not much money. His brother used to give him only enough to survive. Out of the seven days of the week, he would eat only on three days, and the other four days of the week he would fast in order to paint.

He was in love with a woman, but the father of the woman wouldn't allow him to see her. So he forced his hand on a burning flame and he said, 'I will keep my hand on the burning flame until you allow me to see her.' He burnt his hand.

A prostitute told him, 'Your ears are very beautiful,' because there was nothing else to appreciate in his faceHe was one of the ugliest men, he had ugly features. The prostitute must have been in a difficulty with this man, so she told him that his ears were very beautiful. He went back home, cut one of his ears off with a knife, packed it, went back to her with blood flowing all over, and presented the ear to the woman saying, 'You liked it so much that I would like to give it to you as a gift.'

He continued painting in the hottest part of France, Arles, in the summer when the sun was very hot. Everybody told him, 'You will get ill, the sun is too hot.' But the whole day, particularly when the sun was hottest, at full noontide, he would be standing in the fields and painting. Within twenty days he went mad. He was young, thirty three or thirty four when he killed himself, committed suicide. But in the name of painting, art, beauty, you can torture yourself. In the name of God, in the name of prayer, in the name of sadhana, you can torture yourself. You will find this type very predominant in India: -OSHO

Book : Yoga : The Alpha and the Omega,Vol 10 Chapter 1

Marilyn Monroe and Muktananda

2007-05-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

One Hindu saint died a few years ago, Swami Muktananda. You must have heard his name; many of you may have seen him. But you don't know what happened in paradise.

One of his disciples was so miserable because his guru had died, he committed suicide. He wanted to go with the guru. He reached just a little late, but he reached. And what he saw - he could not believe his eyes! He saw Muktananda lying naked under a tree, and on top of him was an American actress, Marilyn Monroe, making love to Muktananda. He could not believe that Muktananda, who was always teaching celibacy.... In his book, CHIDVILAS - "Play of Consciousness", he describes that his discipline of celibacy came to such a point that his prick would rise so high that it would touch his navel.... The disciple had read it. And what is Muktananda doing? Has he forgotten everything? But anyway, Muktananda is his master, so he has to pay his respects.He did not look at what was happening, he just touched Muktananda's feet and said, "Baba, I think this must be the reward for all your virtues."

And Marilyn Monroe said, "You idiot! This is not the reward for this idiot, this is punishment for me!" - OSHO

Book : Communism and Zen Fire, Zen Wind , Cheapter : 5

a method to avoid aids

2007-05-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

always wear double condom with chilli powder in between . if outer breaks she will shout , if inner breaks you will know - a great idea ? - Aids Awarness programme

OSHO MEDITATION CAMP, COIMBATORE, TAMIL NADU

2007-05-19T05:07:00.000-07:00

OSHO
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Junnaid ( Part III )

2007-05-18T12:26:00.001-07:00

"And third," he said, "I entered into a small village. A little boy was carrying a lit candle, obviously going to the small temple of the town to put the candle there for the night." And Junnaid asked, "Can you tell me from where the light comes? You have lighted the candle yourself so you must have seen. What is the source of light?" The boy laughed and he said, "Wait!" And he blew out the candle in front of Junnaid. And he said, "You have seen the light go. Can you tell me where it has gone? If you can tell me where it has gone I will tell you from where it has come, because it has gone to the same place. It has returned to the source." And Junnaid said, "I had met great philosophers but nobody had made such a beautiful statement: 'It has gone to its very source.' Everything returns to its source finally. Moreover, the child made me aware of my own ignorance. I was trying to joke with the child, but the joke was on me. He showed me that asking foolish questions--'From where has the light come?'--is not intelligent. It comes from nowhere, from nothingness--and it goes back to nowhere, to nothingness." Junnaid said, "I touched the feet of the child. The child was puzzled. He said, 'Why you are touching my feet?' And I told him, 'You are my Master--you have shown me something. You have given me a great lesson, a great insight.' "Since that time," Junnaid said, "I have been meditating on nothingness and slowly, slowly I have entered into nothingness. And now the final moment has come when the candle will go out, the light will go out. And I know where I am going--to the same source. "I remember that child with gratefulness. I can still see him standing before me, blowing out the candle."

Junnaid ( Part II )

2007-05-18T12:24:00.000-07:00

"Secondly," he said, "I lost my way in a forest and by the time I reached the nearest village that I could find, it was midnight. Everybody was fast asleep. I wandered all over the town to see if I could find somebody awake to give me shelter for the night, until finally I found one man. I asked him, 'It seems only two persons are awake in the town, you and I. Can you give me shelter for the night?' "The man said, 'I can see from your gown that you are a Sufi monk....'" The word Sufi comes from suf; suf means wool, a woolen garment. The Sufis have used the woolen garment for centuries; hence they are called Sufis because of their garment. The man said, "I can see you are a Sufi and I feel a little embarrassed to take you to my home. I am perfectly willing, but I must tell you who I am. I am a thief--would you like to be a guest of a thief?" For a moment Junnaid hesitated. The thief said, "Look, it is better I told you. You seem hesitant. The thief is willing but the mystic seems to be hesitant to enter into the house of a thief, as if the mystic is weaker than the thief. In fact, I should be afraid of you--you may change me, you may transform my whole life! Inviting you means danger, but I am not afraid. You are welcome. Come to my home. Eat, drink, go to sleep, and stay as long as you want, because I live alone and my earning is enough. I can manage for two persons. And it will be really beautiful to chit-chat with you of great things. But you seem to be hesitant." And Junnaid became aware that it was true. He asked to be forgiven. He touched the feet of the thief and he said, "Yes, my rootedness in my own being is yet very weak. You are really a strong man and I would like to come to your home. And I would like to stay a little longer, not only for this night. I want to be stronger myself!" The thief said, "Come on!" He fed the Sufi, gave him something to drink, helped him to prepare for sleep and he said, "Now I will go. I have to do my own thing. I will come back early in the morning." Early in the morning the thief came back. Junnaid asked, "Have you been successful?" The thief said, "No, not today, but I will see tomorrow." And this happened continuously, for thirty days: every night the thief went out, and every morning he came back empty-handed. But he was never sad, never frustrated--no sign of failure on his face, always happy --and he would say, "It doesn't matter. I tried my best. I could not find anything today again, but tomorrow I will try. And, God willing, it can happen tomorrow if it has not happened today." After one month Junnaid left, and for years he tried to realize the ultimate, and it was always a failure. But each time he decided to drop the whole project he remembered the thief, his smiling face and his saying "God willing, what has not happened today may happen tomorrow." Junnaid said, "I remembered the thief as one of my greatest Masters. Without him I would not be what I am.

Junnaid ( Part I )

2007-05-18T12:13:00.000-07:00

One of the great Sufi Masters, Junnaid, was asked when he was dying... his chief disciple came close to him and asked, "Master, you are leaving us. One question has always been in our minds but we could never gather courage enough to ask you. Who was your Master? This has been a great curiosity among your disciples because we have never heard you talk about your Master." Junnaid opened his eyes and said, "It will be very difficult for me to answer because I have learned from almost everybody. The whole existence has been my Master. I have learned from every event that has happened in my life. And I am grateful to all that has happened, because out of all that learning I have arrived." Junnaid said, "Just to satisfy your curiosity I will give you three instances.

One: I was very thirsty and I was going towards the river carrying my begging bowl, the only possession I had. When I reached the river a dog rushed, jumped into the river, started drinking. "I watched for a moment and threw away my begging bowl--because it is useless. A dog can do without it. I also jumped into the river, drank as much water as I wanted. My whole body was cool because I had jumped into the river. I sat in the river for a few moments, thanked the dog, touched his feet with deep reverence because he had taught me a lesson. "I had dropped everything, all possessions, but there was a certain clinging to my begging bowl. It was a beautiful bowl, very beautifully carved, and I was always aware that somebody might steal it. Even in the night I used to put it under my head as a pillow so nobody could snatch it away. That was my last clinging--the dog helped. It was so clear: if a dog can manage without a begging bowl... I am a man, why can't I manage? That dog was one of my Masters.-osho

A ZEN STORY , NAN-IN

2007-05-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

A Zen story. A very curious king, wanting to know about what these people go on doing in the monasteries,asked, "who is the most famous Master?" Finding out that the most famous Master of those days was Nan-In, he went to his monastery. when he entered the monastery he found a wood cutter. he asked him," The monastery is big, where I can find Master Nan-in?"
The Man thought with closed eyes for a moments, and he said " right now you cannot find him"The king said " why can't I find him right now ? Do you understand that I am the ermperor ?

he said " that is irrelevent whoever you are , that is your business, but I assure you you cannot find him right now."" Is he out ? asked the king."No, He is in" replied the woodcutter, the king said " is he involved in some work? , some ceremoney or in isolation? what is the matter?" The man said , " he is right now cutting wood in front of you and when I am cutting wood, I am just a wood cutter. Right now where is master Nan-in? I am just a wood cutter. you will have to wait "
The emperor thought " this man is mad , simply mad Master Nan-In cutting wood ? he went ahead , and left the woodcutter behind. Nan-In again continued to cut wood the winter was coming close , the wood had to be storeed. the emperor could wait , but winter would't wait.
The emperor waited one hour , two hours-- and then from the back door came master Nan-In in his master' robe. the king looked at him He lookes like the woodcutter, the king bowed down, the master sat there " why have you taken so much trouble to come here ? "The king said " there are many questions I will ask latter on , First. I want to know are you the same man who was cutting wood?"
He said, " Now I am Master Nan-In. I am not the same man; the total configration has changed.Now here I am sitting as Master Nan-in. You ask as a disicple, with humbleness, receptivity.Yes, a man very,very similar to me was cutting wood there, but that was a woodcutter. His name is also Nan-In"
The King got so puzzled that he left without asking the questions he had come to ask.when he went back to his court, his advisers asked what happened . He said " what happened it is better to forget about This master Nan-in seems to be absolutly insane! He was cutting wood, he said, I am a wood cutter and master nan-in is not available right now ' then the same man came in a master's robe and I asked him , and he said, a similar man was cutting the wood , but he was the woodcutter, I am the Master.'"
One of the men in the court said " you have missed the point of what he was trying to say to you-- that when cutting wood he is totally involved in it. Nothing is left which can claim to be Master Nan-In; Nothing is left out , He is just a wood cutter "

And in Zen languages, which is difficult to translate , he was saying that " I am a woodcutter, " He was saying, " Right now it is wood cutting not a woodcutter-because there is not even space for the cutter" it is simply wood being chopped, and he is so totally in it, It is only wood cutting; wood cutting is happening. And when he comes as a Master, it is a different configuration. the same parts are now in a different accord.so with each action you are a different person, if you get totally involved in it.

-OSHO

Book : From Ignorance to innocence Chapter # 23

a king and his old sons

2007-05-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

waiting for the flying horse

2007-05-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

There is a great old Chinese story. A king was very angry with his prime minister. He had done something or other, so the king ordered him to be sentenced to death, It was the tradition that if somebody was to be executed by the king’s order, the king had to visit him one day before, to ask if he had some desire to be fulfilled And this man was no ordinary man- he had served the king for many years as his prime minister, he had been an intimate. But something went wrong, he does something and the king was angry so the next morning ha was to be executed, hanged. The king came to see him twenty four hours before.

The prime minister was a brave man. He had been to many wars as a general. When the king came the prime minister started weeping and crying – tears rolling down. The king said “I would never have imagined that you, a man of such bravery, would be crying because you are going to be hanged tomorrow. Are you afraid of death? “

The prime minister said,’That is not the point, death, I have never afraid of, it is something else but leave it aside, now there is no time to do it’.

The king became curious, he said ,” What is the matter?, You tell me I am here to fulfill your last desire, I promise you to fulfill it, you tell me you have served the kingdom long and I would like to fulfill it whatsoever it is , you just tell me”.

The prime minister said, if you insist, then I will tell you this is a long story when I was young I was with a great master, he was an enlightened being, and he had many secrets with him. One secret I learnt. And that secret was that there is a rare type of horse which can be taught to fly, and my whole life I have been searching for that type of horse that can be taught to fly, but I couldn’t find one – and look at the irony of fate, the horse that you have come on is the right horse, and tomorrow morning I will be dead and the whole science will go dead with me . The secret will be lost to humanity – that is why I am crying.

The king said,” The horse can fly ? How much time will you take to teach it ?”- because the king became interested. If this horse can fly in the sky this will be something superb, incomparable, that is no other king in the world can claim. He said “You forget about your sentence, you tell me how much time you will take? “.

The man said, it will take one year. The king said, Okay, there is no harm in it. For one year you try. If the horse flies, then not only will you not be hanged, but you will get married to my daughter and you will share my kingdom; half-half, but if the horse cannot fly, then you will be executed. So there is no harm in it, you come out—take the horse.

The man took the horse, went home—there his wife and children were crying and weeping because this was the last day, the next day morning the husband, the father, would be dead. They could not believe their eyes—that he was coming back riding on a horse. They thought they must be dreaming. They wiped their eyes an they asked; what is the matter? How could you manage to come?

He told the whole story. The wife again started crying and said, you are a fool, because I know very well you don’t know anything like that. You invented a lie. If you were going to lie why say one year? You should have asked fifty years, twenty years at least! The one year will pass soon, and this will be a nightmare, because the whole year will be trembling, because soon again you have to die.

The man said, don’t be afraid, one year is too long ! The king can die, I can die, at least the horse can die- you don’t be worried! don’t you be worried , one year is a long enough.

Book : Tao : The Three treasures vol -3 , Chapter 7

( Note : still such ministers exist , only difference is the king has become poor people and they wait for five years to see their horses fly )

who can become ganthi osho on rajiv - part 1

2007-05-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

Rajiv Gandhi is not hindu , but nobody has said it, I have to say it Rajiv Gandhi is a cross breed, .His father , Feroze Gandhi, was a parsee; and his mother, indira Gandhi was a Hindu, But the name – Gandhi- gives the feeling as if he is hindu, because Mahatma Gandhi was hindu. So people think… And Parsees are not known very much; they are confined to Bombay, and a few people in Poona, a few people in Surat—just this small territory. Basically they are confined to Bombay, so all over most of India nobody knows about them , that they also have a surname , Gandhi .
the word Gandhi comes not from caste or religion, it means a man who sells perfumes, Gandh means perfume, and Gandhi means perfume seller. So anybody who sells perfumes becomes “Gandhi “ It has nothing to do with religion, it has nothing to do with caste

Feroze Gandhi’s family, sometimes in the past must have been selling perfume. And that was also true of mahatma Gandhi’s parents or forefathers. Somewhere back they must have been selling perfume; both are called “ Gandhis”

This word ‘Gandhi’ gives the impression to the whole of India that Rajiv is a Hindu .He is not. Rajiv is half hindu and half parsee.

Book : Communism and Zen fire Chapter 6 wolves in a sheep’s skin

heart meditation

2007-05-10T05:26:00.000-07:00

Try this method from Atisha: When you breathe in--listen carefully, it is one of the greatest methods--when you breathe in, think that you are breathing in all the miseries of all the people in the world. All the darkness, all the negativity, all the hell that exists anywhere, you are breathing it in. And let it be absorbed in your heart. You may have read or heard about the so-called positive thinkers of the West. They say just the opposite--they don't know what they are saying. They say, "When you breathe out, throw out all your misery and negativity; and when you breathe in, breathe in joy, positivity, happiness, cheerfulness." Atisha's method is just the opposite: when you breathe in, breathe in all the misery and suffering of all the beings of the world--past, present and future. And when you breathe out, breathe out all the joy that you have, all the blissfulness that you have, all the benediction that you have. Breathe out, pour yourself into existence. This is the method of compassion: drink in all the suffering and pour out all the blessings. And you will be surprised if you do it. The moment you take all the sufferings of the world inside you, they are no longer sufferings. The heart immediately transforms the energy. The heart is a transforming force: drink in misery, and it is transformed into blissfulness... then pour it out. Once you have learned that your heart can do this magic, this miracle, you would like to do it again and again. Try it. It is one of the most practical methods--simple, and it brings immediate results. Do it today, and see. That is one of the approaches of Buddha and all his disciples. Atisha is one of his disciples, in the same tradition, in the same line. Buddha says again and again to his disciples, "Ihi passiko--come and see!" They are very scientific people. Buddhism is the most scientific religion on the earth; hence, Buddhism is gaining more and more ground in the world every day. As the world becomes more intelligent, Buddha will become more and more important. It is bound to be so. As more and more people come to know about science, Buddha will have great appeal. He will convince the scientific mind--because he says, "Whatsoever I am saying can be practiced. I don't say to you, 'Believe it,' I say, 'Experiment with it, experience it, and only then if you feel it yourself, trust it. Otherwise there is no need to believe.'" Try this beautiful method of compassion: take in all the misery and pour out all the joy

sex with camel ?

2007-05-09T20:37:00.000-07:00

A polack is crossing the sahara desert on a camel , after two months alone with the camel, and dreaming of neautiful women, he starts to find the camel attractive and decides to make love to her , But as soon as he is ready, the camel stands up, walks a few feet away and stops, The polack tries again, but again the camel stands up, walks a few feet away and stops. The polack tries again and again with no luck

One day he finds the remains of a plane which has crashed in the desert, and just nearby a young woman, unconscious, but still alive. For days he takes care of her and she recovers totally. One morning she comes to him, looking her prettiest, hugs him and tells him how thankful she is to him for saving her life. “ You have been so sweet with me “ she says, “ and I like you so much that I’ll do anything for you”

Looking at her beautiful face, the man says “ Would you really ? “

“Yes, “ she says

“ Oh, I really appreciate that,” replies the Polack “ would you mind holding that camel for me please ?”

Book : Hidden Splendor , Chapter 14 “ No time left for any device “ Question no :1

Osho on MGR

2007-05-08T22:33:00.000-07:00

Just the other day Anando brought a cartoon to show me – a beautiful cartoon, but the Government of tamil nadu in madras asked the cartoonist to apologize publicity, obviously he refused, because he has not mentioned anybody’s name. the cartoon was of two figures, with a small note underneath that the man who look like a pickpocket is a minister an the man who look like dacoit, a thief, is the chief minister. Now, there is no need for anybody to be angry –and particularly in a democracy where you go on bragging about freedom of speech. He was not named anybody, and in India there are so many chief ministers, and so many ministers.

In fact, if anybody was to be offended it was the pickpockets and the dacoits, but they seem to have some sense of humor . No pickpocket , no dacoit went to the court saying “ “it is insulting to us. “
But the chief minister of Tamil Nadu and the whole assembly unanimously voted to send the man to jail for one year because he has refused to make an apology. The man has already served three days in jail. But then there was great uproar all over the country, this is absolutely absurd. He has not mentioned anybody’s name , and if even a cartoon becomes so damaging to your respectability, then certainly the cartoon is saying something true about you. Whoever is offended has exposed himself, that the carton is about him; otherwise there was no need, there was no name on it.
Because the pressure from all over the country became greater and greater, they had to release the man. But such is the smallness of man. Even the people you think great leaders of men behave so stupidly

Book :Zaruthusra : the Laughing Prophet ,Chapter # 10 Before sunrise

( Note :it was about a cartoon in ananda vikatan , then the chief minister was MGR )

Osho on tamil nadu , tamil part 1

2007-05-08T01:49:00.000-07:00

( from darkness to light , Chapter #28 : Either politician remain or humanity remains)

Tamil has its own literature, far more ancient than the literature of Sanskrit, because the people of south India are the original Indians, The people of the north are invaders. The people of north India who speak Hindi, Bengali, Gujarathi are all Aryans.They are blood brothers of French, Italians Germans, English, Swedidish, Russians , but they have no relationship of blood with the South Indians. South Indians have a blood relationship with the negroes

There was a time when Africa and India were connected . it is now a well-known fact that continents go on shifiting – they are not stable. You just cut out the maps of India and Africa and put them together and you will be surprised – they fit perfectly. The south India fits perfectly with the line of Africa. Some time in the past the land parts, Africa shifted away, over thousands of years

South Indians are negroid, their blood is connected with negroes, their skin is black , their language has no connection with sanskrit at all . You will be surprised tamil, telugh , Malayalam, kanand—the four main languages of south India – have not a single word from Sanskrit, while Russian has forty percent, German has sixty percent ,Lathuanian has seventy percent , English has thirty percent , French Swedish – all European languages originated predominantly from Sanskrit
Naturally, south India does not want to be dominated by a Sanskrit – originated language, Hindi, they have no connection with it.

Blow job

2007-05-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

Joke Break!

2007-05-05T20:01:00.000-07:00

A cricketer (during sex) : "Pitch is dry,grass not cut,slow out field"

wife repies :" nonsense opposite team captain scored century on this same pitch "
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during sex a woman attend phone call " yes? ok, fine, Bye " turns to her lover and says" My husband saying he is playing golf with you "

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Doctor : " Do you watch your husband's face during sex ? "

Lady : "I did once, he was angry "

Doctor : "abnormal ! why ?

Lady : "yes , He was watching from the window "

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Father : " baby tell me which bastard made you pregnant ?

Daughter : " leave it dad, if you eat 15 bananas , can you tell which banana made you fat ? "

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Wife: "If we have four minutes nuclear warning how will you spend your last four minutes?"
Husband: " Certainly sex with you"
Wife: " Oh.. what about the remaining three minutes?"
Husband: :-(